NinSheetMusic Forums

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Found an issue in the Requests Board? Let Bubbles know!

Pages: 1 ... 29 30 [31] 32

Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 31610 times)

SpartanChief17

  • Lapras Lullaby
  • *****
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 127
    • View Profile
    • Musescore
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #450 on: April 17, 2017, 02:37:02 AM »

Because today is Easter:

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law, were all going on vacation in Israel.  The mother-in-law randomly dies.  The man has to take her to an undertaker.  The undertaker says "You have two options: I can ship her back to be buried in the US for $5,000, or I can have her buried here in Israel for $150.  What do you think?"

The man thinks for a moment, then says "I'd like her shipped back to the US."

The undertaker is surprised, and asks "but why? You could bury her here for only $150!"

The man replies "I know. But many years ago, a man was buried in Israel.  Three days later, he rose from the dead. I'm not taking that chance!"
Logged
Spoiler
I am addicted to this song:
[close]

ThatHiddenCharacter

  • Flashman Funk
  • ************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 957
  • The Green Thunder strikes again!
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #451 on: April 17, 2017, 02:39:17 AM »

I wonder how many people aren't going to get the joke. It took 10 seconds before it hit me.
Logged
Got my own Discord server! Warning: Not much happens yet due to a lack of members: https://discord.gg/ukkf4gq

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtk-m68jfSyWvN_7xRgXkmg

Have at you!

mikey

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 10922
  • "Courage"
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #452 on: April 17, 2017, 02:39:35 AM »

That's pretty good
Ninjad by thc doing thc things
Logged
Luke 1:3

"It seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write unto thee..."

cashwarrior1

  • Sonic Ska
  • **************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1398
  • Never changes his avatar
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #453 on: April 17, 2017, 02:52:55 AM »

The man has to take her to an undertaker.
I thought that read, "The man has to take her underwear." and I was very confused.
Logged

E. Gadd Industries

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3378
  • Super Mario Sunshine Enthusiast
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #454 on: April 17, 2017, 02:43:35 PM »

That's pretty good
Ninjad by thc doing thc things
#justthcthings
Logged
E. Gadd for Mayor 2018
“Maybe someday, he’ll invent something that doesn’t suck.”


The entrance to my lab is hidden... somewhere...
Spoiler

[close]

AmpharosAndy

  • Pokémon Polka
  • ********************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 798
  • get
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #455 on: April 29, 2017, 08:17:40 PM »

Do you guys want to see the newest Star Wars spoiler?

Spoiler
Star Wars
[close]
Logged
‘The Johto Suite’ for Woodwind Trio - Pokemon Gold/Silver Full OST Arrangement
Spoiler
[close]

LeviR.star

  • Ordon Overture
  • ***************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1572
  • The Game Boi Arranger ~ Game Boy Enthusiast
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #456 on: October 20, 2017, 04:03:18 PM »

A woman walks into a veterinarian's office with a limp duck. She says to him, "Doctor, my duck hasn't moved in days. Could you figure out what's wrong with him?" The vet pulls out his stethoscope and holds it to the duck's heart, and says to the woman, "I am afraid your duck is dead, ma'am."

"How can you be so sure?!" she protested, welling up with tears. "Can you at least check to see that he's not comatose??" Hesitant at first, the vet agrees.

First, he comes into the room with a Yellow Labrador Retriever. The dog jumps up onto the counter, sniffs various parts of the duck, and whines. The vet pats the dog on the head and heads out the door with him.

He then comes into the room with a Tabby. The cat jumps up onto the counter, rubs her cheek on the duck's feathers, and meows. The vet pats the cat on the head and heads on the door with her.

Finally, the vet returns, tells the woman her duck is dead, and hands her a bill. The total: $150.00. Flabbergasted, the woman cries out, "150 dollars? Just to tell me that my duck is dead?"

The vet replies, "Well, if you just took my word for it the first time, the total would have been 20 dollars. But after the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, the total is now 150 dollars."
Logged
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

My arrangements and compositions!

Dude

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 8615
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #457 on: October 20, 2017, 05:14:27 PM »

This thread.
Logged

Pianist Da Sootopolis

  • Corneria Concert
  • *****************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1994
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #458 on: October 20, 2017, 06:08:29 PM »

@Levi your joke is more of an honest reflection on the US healthcare system tbh
Logged
what is shitpost

blueflower999

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Posts: 4107
  • How'd that taste?
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #459 on: October 20, 2017, 08:20:40 PM »

A woman walks into a veterinarian's office with a limp duck.
I misread this sentence
Logged
Bulbear! Blueflower999

E. Gadd Industries

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3378
  • Super Mario Sunshine Enthusiast
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #460 on: October 20, 2017, 11:37:39 PM »

Same XD why would a woman walk into a vegetarian’s office with a limp duck?
Logged
E. Gadd for Mayor 2018
“Maybe someday, he’ll invent something that doesn’t suck.”


The entrance to my lab is hidden... somewhere...
Spoiler

[close]

mastersuperfan

  • Rupee Ragtime
  • *************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1030
  • BEEP BOOP BEEP
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #461 on: October 20, 2017, 11:47:32 PM »

Logged
there's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
The difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Dude

  • Nintendo Nocturne
  • ********************************
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 8615
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #462 on: October 21, 2017, 12:14:14 AM »

Same XD why would a woman walk into a vegetarian’s office with a limp duck?
pure boy
Logged

Splatoon Inkling

  • Video Game Midi
  • **
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 44
    • View Profile
    • https://www.ninsheetmusic.org
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #463 on: July 10, 2018, 10:35:47 PM »

2 guys are going to the bar the 1st guys bumps his head on it and the other guy ducks! ;D
Logged
S P L A T T A C K ! ! ! !

Splatoon Inkling

  • Video Game Midi
  • **
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 44
    • View Profile
    • https://www.ninsheetmusic.org
    • Email
Re: Jokes
« Reply #464 on: July 14, 2018, 02:14:30 PM »

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?







Where's my tractor?   ;D
Logged
S P L A T T A C K ! ! ! !
Pages: 1 ... 29 30 [31] 32
 

Page created in 0.129 seconds with 22 queries.