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[NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars

Started by Zeta, January 02, 2018, 01:23:13 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Sweet Home
Console: Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Mamiya's Room
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Rwars

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InsigTurtle

Watch the overlapping accidentals in the beginning, although those can be avoided completely since most of the naturals in this piece should actually be flats or double flats, excluding the end. (ex. m.7's bass should Gb Ab Bbb Gb Ab Bbb).
You could also write this in A# minor but I would not recommend it, personally. If you need any help with the accidentals, just reply back and we can talk about them on Discord

Rwars

Honestly, I was quite surprised by how much was cleaned up by just doing the double flats thing.
I fixed the incorrect tempo marking and adjusted it to be a bit more correct, made the naturals into double flats, and put certain parts of the song into one layer/voice.

I almost feel that I should put the second voice in the LH of measures 1~4 into the RH so I can put different dynamic markings for the dotted half notes?

Olimar12345

-Composer/arranger names aren't in alignment
-The Fbb's in measures 2 and 4 should just be Fb's.
-The F naturals you've written in the LH on beat 4 of alternating measures starting with measure 2 sound more like Gb's to me. I think you should change them to Gb's.
-In measure 2 and 4 your LH layers are out of alignment; thsy should just be stacked on top of each other. Also, you'll need to hide the second bb in the measure.
-9-12 should be Fb's again, not double-flats.
-Measure 20 LH should be Fb's, not E naturals.
-LH measures 25-28 are a tad off. Everything should be shifted to the left by one quarter note. It should resemble the motif from the beginning etc.
-I'd split the part you have in the RH into two layers at 25-28.
-I'm not hearing the distinct volume change between hands that you've notated starting at measure 5, and I suspect that what you really want is for the hands to be balanced appropriately. For this I would recommend removing one of the dynamic markings and replacing it with what volume you would like the entire piece to be there. Dynamics just tell us how loud or soft something needs to be relative to other points in the piece; balance is something different.
-Fbb in 13 should be just Fb.
-All Fbb's from 17-19 should be Fb's.
-The introduction could use some courtesy accidentals in the LH for the transitions between Bb and Bbb.
-The LH rhythm at 13-20 isn't very 6/8, but I like it better as written because the rhythm isn't uses isn't very 6/8, if that makes sense.

I think I addressed everything. Below is a file containing the changes I have recommended above. Use it if you please.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/6wem3jayngstimn/innersanctum12345.mus?dl=1
Visit my site: VGM Sheet Music by Olimar12345 ~ Quality VGM sheet music available for free!

Rwars

In order to save me a small bit of effort, I'll use yours instead. I really do thank you for always providing a copy of submissions with your changes in it!

Olimar12345

You're welcome! I think that wraps up everything I was going to say about this submission. Now we just need another updater to come give it the "Okay" and we're good here.
Visit my site: VGM Sheet Music by Olimar12345 ~ Quality VGM sheet music available for free!

Maelstrom

#7

Maybe move the systems around a bit so you don't have such a large amount of white space at the bottom of pg 1?

Olimar12345

Quote from: Maelstrom on February 04, 2018, 03:38:46 PMFirst, remove the repeat sign in m1. It's implied, and it squishes everything. Don't forget to click on all the measures in the first system after you do that to re-space them

The repeat bar in 1 is fine, and it hardly adds anything space-wise without it. It looks better with it, as it is short and matches the next four bars.
Visit my site: VGM Sheet Music by Olimar12345 ~ Quality VGM sheet music available for free!

Latios212

Quote from: Maelstrom on February 04, 2018, 03:38:46 PMMaybe move the systems around a bit so you don't have such a large amount of white space at the bottom of pg 1?

Here's a file you can use with a slightly adjusted layout: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xy0f8vw6c3hln4z/innersanctum.mus?dl=1
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

Rwars


Olimar12345

Visit my site: VGM Sheet Music by Olimar12345 ~ Quality VGM sheet music available for free!

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Olimar12345.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot