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Author Topic: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars  (Read 304 times)

Zeta

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[NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« on: January 02, 2018, 10:23:13 PM »

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Sweet Home
Console: Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Mamiya's Room
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Rwars
« Last Edit: February 07, 2018, 09:39:19 PM by Rwars »
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Rwars

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2018, 10:24:13 PM »

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InsigTurtle

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2018, 08:39:47 AM »

Watch the overlapping accidentals in the beginning, although those can be avoided completely since most of the naturals in this piece should actually be flats or double flats, excluding the end. (ex. m.7's bass should Gb Ab Bbb Gb Ab Bbb).
You could also write this in A# minor but I would not recommend it, personally. If you need any help with the accidentals, just reply back and we can talk about them on Discord
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Rwars

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2018, 12:48:00 AM »

Honestly, I was quite surprised by how much was cleaned up by just doing the double flats thing.
I fixed the incorrect tempo marking and adjusted it to be a bit more correct, made the naturals into double flats, and put certain parts of the song into one layer/voice.

I almost feel that I should put the second voice in the LH of measures 1~4 into the RH so I can put different dynamic markings for the dotted half notes?
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Olimar12345

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2018, 05:40:56 PM »

-Composer/arranger names aren't in alignment
-The Fbb's in measures 2 and 4 should just be Fb's.
-The F naturals you've written in the LH on beat 4 of alternating measures starting with measure 2 sound more like Gb's to me. I think you should change them to Gb's.
-In measure 2 and 4 your LH layers are out of alignment; thsy should just be stacked on top of each other. Also, you'll need to hide the second bb in the measure.
-9-12 should be Fb's again, not double-flats.
-Measure 20 LH should be Fb's, not E naturals.
-LH measures 25-28 are a tad off. Everything should be shifted to the left by one quarter note. It should resemble the motif from the beginning etc.
-I'd split the part you have in the RH into two layers at 25-28.
-I'm not hearing the distinct volume change between hands that you've notated starting at measure 5, and I suspect that what you really want is for the hands to be balanced appropriately. For this I would recommend removing one of the dynamic markings and replacing it with what volume you would like the entire piece to be there. Dynamics just tell us how loud or soft something needs to be relative to other points in the piece; balance is something different.
-Fbb in 13 should be just Fb.
-All Fbb's from 17-19 should be Fb's.
-The introduction could use some courtesy accidentals in the LH for the transitions between Bb and Bbb.
-The LH rhythm at 13-20 isn't very 6/8, but I like it better as written because the rhythm isn't uses isn't very 6/8, if that makes sense.

I think I addressed everything. Below is a file containing the changes I have recommended above. Use it if you please.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/6wem3jayngstimn/innersanctum12345.mus?dl=1
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Rwars

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2018, 12:32:36 AM »

In order to save me a small bit of effort, I'll use yours instead. I really do thank you for always providing a copy of submissions with your changes in it!
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Olimar12345

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2018, 12:35:15 AM »

You're welcome! I think that wraps up everything I was going to say about this submission. Now we just need another updater to come give it the "Okay" and we're good here.
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Maelstrom

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2018, 12:38:46 AM »


Maybe move the systems around a bit so you don't have such a large amount of white space at the bottom of pg 1?
« Last Edit: February 05, 2018, 12:44:03 AM by Maelstrom »
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Olimar12345

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2018, 12:41:31 AM »

First, remove the repeat sign in m1. It's implied, and it squishes everything. Don't forget to click on all the measures in the first system after you do that to re-space them

The repeat bar in 1 is fine, and it hardly adds anything space-wise without it. It looks better with it, as it is short and matches the next four bars.
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Latios212

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2018, 09:12:26 PM »

Maybe move the systems around a bit so you don't have such a large amount of white space at the bottom of pg 1?

Here's a file you can use with a slightly adjusted layout: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xy0f8vw6c3hln4z/innersanctum.mus?dl=1
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Rwars

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2018, 09:40:25 PM »

Here's a file you can use with a slightly adjusted layout: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xy0f8vw6c3hln4z/innersanctum.mus?dl=1

Alright, I'll use yours, then.
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Olimar12345

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2018, 10:35:22 PM »

Cool beans.
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Zeta

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Re: [NES] Sweet Home - "Mamiya's Room" by Rwars
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2018, 10:35:29 PM »

This submission has been accepted by Olimar12345.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot
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