- Tie directions! There are a few spots where the presence of layers flips some ties in the wrong direction. Like the tie between m. 9-10, and 30-31. Also the top one bending downwards in m. 31. Oh, and the tie between the two G's in m. 21.
I did notice the tie on the very last note (not the other ones, I admit), but I was too lazy checking how to flip ties in Finale (I'm good at Finale, it's just that I don't use it since 2013, I got used to Sibelius a lot more). I saw it's as easy as a cmd+f (I use Mac), so I corrected everything.
- The courtesy natural in m. 10 seems kind of odd to me. Yeah there's an A flat in the previous measure but it's in a different part in a different hand so I don't think it's totally necessary.
That was most probably an automatic courtesy natural put by Sibelius, since the first version was converted from it. I actually think it makes sense, but I also think that even a beginner could tell that's an A natural in that case. So I removed it. (I didn't even remember how to remove it lol)
- Any reason why you don't star the slur on the beginning of the note as opposed to one that's tied? (m. 9-12)
There isn't really that much difference on a piano. The way I wrote it seemed more correct to me, thinking it orchestrally. Actually, listening to the audio again, probably it should even start from the C. I'll change it to what you're implicitly suggesting though, I trust your opinion
- Minor thing, but I'd suggest flipping the last beat of m. 21, since that's how it is in other measures and it'll make the slur bend upwards a little less.
All the notes sound correct! Very nice job!
Actually, there's one bar that's still really bothering me: bar 31. Damn. I feel like it's not exactly what I wrote, but I can't tell if that's actually the case.
EDIT: cool thing I noticed: the melody in m. 22-25 bears an extremely striking resemblance to Lively Town from Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon (skip to around 0:38).
The resemblance is pretty evident indeed. That might just a coincidence, since that's a pretty standard progression. But it might also be intended, especially considering that the soundtrack of this game was not composed by a single person.