[GBA] Golden Sun - "Set Sail! Through the Karagol Sea" by Onionleaf

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Golden Sun
Game: Golden Sun
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Set Sail! Through the Karagol Sea
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Onionleaf

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Onionleaf]

Suggestions for improvement most welcome!

[Latios212]

Might I suggest removing the clef change in the last measure? It sort of obscures the contour of the notes - makes it a bit harder to see how the 16ths are ascending and descending. It'd look just fine with an A in the LH

Other purely visual considerations: Using dotted half notes might clean up things a bit, like in 1, 5, 9, and 13. Up to you, though! Also the same RH part is written out different in 3 and 11. (I'd prefer how it's written in 3).

[Onionleaf]

Those parts look much better now, thank you! Funny how you sometimes think you've done all you can with a sheet but then have so many *facepalm* moments afterwards.

[Maelstrom]

Have you considered moving some of the LH down an octave? The timpanis lack the punch they should have.

[Onionleaf]

I did not think of this, and will take you up on the offer. I'll update the files within the next few days or so, let me know if there's anything else I need to change in the mean time.

[Onionleaf]

Okay, a few more days than was expected has passed... the files have been updated.

[Maelstrom]

Ok, before we get into notes, a few notes about octaves and the voices you chose.
Octaves:
When I was referring to the timpanis, I should have specified. m9-13 is now too low and it sounds like sonic sludge in parts. The part that really needed the lowering was M1-8. Now, it's probably not a good idea to stick everything there down an octave, but fiddling with how the octaves interact should fix that. Try not to get sonic sludge and you'll be fine.

I think the octaves were fiddled with a little too much in m9-13. m9 should be down an octave, m10 should have Ds instead of Es, m12 also needs to be lowered an octave, along with the 2nd half of m13. Double check stuff like this. I'd say the bass here is more important to keep from jumping than the other 2ndary harmonies the LH is playing.

Voice choice:
These are all a matter of personal preference, but I see no reason why m2's LH is more important than the bass. In addition, the transition in m15-16 and m32 are jarring to say the least. Maybe just stick with the bass line?

[Onionleaf]

Yeah, I agree that I didn't give it much thought when updating the sheet last time. Thanks for checking it again, I spent some time just thinking about what would be the best way to improve the piece. The accompaniment now flows more consistently, with hopefully no more sonic sludge (the term made me laugh, btw ^^).

[Maelstrom]

(note: (note:) is what I used to add in information to feedback notes instead of editing the whole thing because I'm lazy)

2nd layer in m4 doesn't fit in, and it quite hard to play. It might be nice to remove it, as it's the only place that voice appears in your transcription. (note: do this throughout the song, as it's in other places too)
Final system on pg 1 is cramped. Click on the measures to respace them properly.
LH notes:
m5-6 feel out of place with the sudden harmonies. Either put them in more or take em out. Maybe it's just me, but i can't hear anything different there
Various places: When the timpani goes up, you notated it going down. That said, I can see why, as it would cause collisions. (Note: in m20, you could fit it in, easily. Note 2: same with m22)
Speaking of m20, it looks rather strange for that 2nd layer to change hands, because it's moving up a 13th instead of a 6th.
I get what you were going for with m14, but it feels off. If there's no way to notate the original low bass in there, I understand. But it would be cool if it could have it. (note: same thing in m24)
m21's low harmony feels wrong, because it's obscuring what the bass note of the chord. Removing it is probably a good idea.
m28: first 2 beats of the 2nd layer are on E, not D. Beats 2 and 3 are on D, though.

Aaaand, that's it.

[Onionleaf]

Okie, Take 3... it should be a bit tidier now. I'm sorry if I missed anything this time, I'll come fix it if need be. >.<

[Maelstrom]

Okie, Take 3... it should be a bit tidier now. I'm sorry if I missed anything this time, I'll come fix it if need be. >.<

You missed a few things. If you're busy, I can just get them for you with your approval.
#1: Final system on pg 1 is cramped. Click on the measures to respace them properly.

#2: m22 - timpani goes up, not down, and you can implement it, unlike other places.

#3: A new issue I should have foreseen: RH m4 - Now that there are only 2 layers, you might as well make the tied note a whole note and the half note a 2nd layer.

[Onionleaf]

You missed a few things. If you're busy, I can just get them for you with your approval.

Oh, that would be much appreciated, thanks!

[Maelstrom]

Changed, and uploaded.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot