[DELETED] [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Super Bell Hill" by Yug Guy

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario 3D World
Console: Wii U
Title: Super Bell Hill
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Yug Guy

[AwesomeYears]

First of all, I would put dynamics in the music to show how loud/soft a hand is...
There is also a very quiet upper part which could fit in with the left hand...
Lastly from me, somewhere at the end of page 1, the right hand could have octave pairs (eg C4 and C5 together)

[Yug_Guy]

EDIT: ABOVE FILES ARE THE SECOND DRAFT

-I'm not exactly sure if dynamics really matter for this piece. Maybe when the instrumentation changes?
-Are you talking about the high part that starts with A-Bflat-C-Bflat? I wanted to put that in, but wasn't quite sure how I could implement it
-Which measures?

[Sebastian]

-I'm not exactly sure if dynamics really matter for this piece. Maybe when the instrumentation changes?

Dynamics are required in all pieces.
I'd give some feedback, but I'm not near my computer :/

[Clanker37]

Welcome to NSM! It's good to see some Super Mario 3D World stuff. Here are my thoughts:

-Formatting. I hate it, but it must be adhered to. Composers should be Bold. Arrangers italics. Also with multiple composer names, try to make them cascade in a list rather than going across the page.
-Tempo marking should be a function rather than just text.
-The music should be spread out more. There are some notes which clash visually with others making it unclear. (Bars 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13 etc.)
-No Bar numbers to speak of.
-The rhythm needs to be entirely rewritten. The fact is that this is a jazz piece with swung quavers. Thus, you need to have one of these at the start. But the way you have written it has these should be swung quavers represented with semi-quavers, hence every rythmic value needs to be doubled (There by making Crotchet = Minim, Semi-quaver = quaver etc.). Depending on your version on Finale, you may need to get someone to give you the Swing! function.
-No harmony to speak of at the section which begins at bar 18. This problem is not unique to this section either as there are other places where you have missed some harmony in the melody.
-Dynamics. Use them.
-Articulations. Use them more. E.g. Opening bar would benefit from staccato.
-Bar 24, last note in the Right hand. An Eb not a D.

Despite all this negative criticism, it's a very good first arrangement. I think you have massive potential; if you're willing to work for it. If you need any further explanation of what I said above, or someone to help, please do not hesitate to ask. There will always be someone willing to help. Happy arranging!

[Yug_Guy]

No problem Clanker, I need to learn this stuff eventually!   
I'll go through your critiques one by one (Note: I'm using Finale Notepad 2012) :

-Done
-I tried to get the code for Maestro, all I could manage was the quarter note (btw, I say "quarter/half/eighth note instead of quaver)
-I'm gonna need to learn from someone how to do that manually or automatically
-Done
-Oh boy... 1) Is there a code for that in Maestro? I'd really like to know it. 2) So what you're saying is, I need to write the music again, but instead of dotted eighth notes and what have you, write in regular quarters and eights and just swing it. (Did I get that correctly?) 3) Again, could someone please give me the Swing! function? I'd really appreciate it
-I'm assuming since you could hear the harmony, I just didn't pick up on it. I'll have to go over it again.
-As stated above: For this particular song, would dynamics really matter? The volume doesn't really change much throughout the piece. If I really had to choose where to put dynamics, I'd maybe put a forte at the beginning, and maybe a couple crescendos at the ends of some phrases.
-Yeah, I think the first bar should have staccato too. I'm just trying to think of where else it needs some... I'll get back to you on that
-Done

Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!

[Sebastian]

For your future sheets, I recommend using a template. Then you don't have to put ALL that formatting in every time

[Sebastian]

Welcome to NSM! It's good to see some Super Mario 3D World stuff. Here are my thoughts:

-Formatting. I hate it, but it must be adhered to. Composers should be Bold. Arrangers italics. Also with multiple composer names, try to make them cascade in a list rather than going across the page.
-Tempo marking should be a function rather than just text.
-The music should be spread out more. There are some notes which clash visually with others making it unclear. (Bars 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13 etc.)
-No Bar numbers to speak of.
-The rhythm needs to be entirely rewritten. The fact is that this is a jazz piece with swung quavers. Thus, you need to have one of these at the start. But the way you have written it has these should be swung quavers represented with semi-quavers, hence every rythmic value needs to be doubled (There by making Crotchet = Minim, Semi-quaver = quaver etc.). Depending on your version on Finale, you may need to get someone to give you the Swing! function.
-No harmony to speak of at the section which begins at bar 18. This problem is not unique to this section either as there are other places where you have missed some harmony in the melody.
-Dynamics. Use them.
-Articulations. Use them more. E.g. Opening bar would benefit from staccato.
-Bar 24, last note in the Right hand. An Eb not a D.

Despite all this negative criticism, it's a very good first arrangement. I think you have massive potential; if you're willing to work for it. If you need any further explanation of what I said above, or someone to help, please do not hesitate to ask. There will always be someone willing to help. Happy arranging!

Most of this stuff you can't fix on Finale Notepad. I have the full version and know a few tricks with how to transfer 2012 to 2011. So I'll help you tomorrow, Yug Guy.
I'm in bed now

[Clanker37]

-Oh boy... 1) Is there a code for that in Maestro? I'd really like to know it. 2) So what you're saying is, I need to write the music again, but instead of dotted eighth notes and what have you, write in regular quarters and eights and just swing it

OK.

1. Guess what? You get to write out the rhythm again! As far as I know, there isn't a code for this.
2. Kind of. What you have done is where the original has swung quavers. you have put even semi-quavers. So you need to double all the rhythmical values so that where you have semi-quavers now, you have regular quavers. The Swing! function will make all the quavers swing for you.
3. Once you have done 2) I will take a look at it and add the Swing! function if you like.

If you can fix the rhythm, post it here and I will take another look and will advise/maybe fix any problems you have with the Tempo function, harmony or music spread.  might also add some grace notes you left out.

With regard to the dynamics: It is a requirement for every NSM arrangement to have some form of dynamics, even if it's a lonely mf. For thie piece, I would perhaps start with f for the intro, then move to mf or mp during the A section, crescendoing into either f or mf in the B section (depending on the choice for the A section) then cresendoing in the last 2 bars to ff or f. Dynamics are paramount if you want colour and spark in your arrangements.

[Maelstrom]

Everything needs to be respaced. Really, really badly.
Make sure you update the links when you edit it

[Sebastian]

I'm currently fixing this for you .....

[Sebastian]

Ok!
Here is my fixed version for you:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/5jagwxvjhbcl8g9/Super%20Mario%203D%20World%20-%20Super%20Bell%20Hill.zip?dl=0
Here a list of what I fixed:
- Various wrong bass notes
- The beaming of notes throughout
- Added a bunch of staccatos and slurs
- Fixed all the formatting issues

Anyway, great job for your first arrangement!
The link I gave you is a .zip with the .mus, .pdf, and .midi inside. Upload those to the Original post by going into the NSM Panel and click "modify" beside this submission.

[Yug_Guy]

@mariolegofan

Wow, that's awesome!

...Although I'm currently working on one with notes twice the length of the old one at Clanker's suggestion. I've got all the notes done (except for the ones you fixed  ), and I'm currently trying to work in that faint backup melody (It starts A-Bflat-C-Bflat). Do you think it would be acceptable to have chords longer than an octave? The biggest one I have right now is Bflat to F + one octave. Also, because there's less in a measure it's automatically formatting better! 

Now, if I decide to use your corrections & whatnot (either due to laziness or because you would have done it much better than me), whose name would we put on the sheet?

[Sebastian]

Now, if I decide to use your corrections & whatnot (either due to laziness or because you would have done it much better than me), whose name would we put on the sheet?

Use the one I gave you
It's your arrangement I just fixed some stuff so It'd be your name.
DON'T waste your time doubling all the note values and rewrite it. Just use mine.

[Yug_Guy]

Too late, it's already done.

Well, I may as well use yours seeing as it's shorter, and I personally think it makes more sense that way.

Also, could you check the octaves? I'll give you a link this time:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/clyhlm7l2ywvpno/Super%20Bell%20Hill%20YG2.mus?dl=0

EDIT: Measures 3-6