[DELETED] [GB] Kirby's Dream Land - "Ending Theme" by AwesomeYears

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Dream Land
Console: Game Boy
Title: Ending Theme
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: AwesomeYears

[AwesomeYears]

Yiss, my first submission!

ORIGINAL:

[Brassman388]

Alright, here it goes.

First off, not a bad job. I never really liked doing Kirby works because the soundfonts that they used were too loose when trying to translate it to something like piano or orchestra. I could never successfully replicate it as the original and that bugged the hell out of me.

Anyways, few things I noticed right off the bat. There's a lot going on, in the harmonies, in the melody and those damned 16th runs that Kirby is known for. And trying to capture the same energetic feel with out them is nearly impossible. But, as difficult as it is to hear them let alone write them out, you have to have them. You cannot switch back and forth between 16ths and quarter notes. I just doesn't work. You do just that from measure 3 to 6 and again in 11 to 13.

Another thing that is happening is that the whole thing just feels... empty. There is soooooo much harmony going on and some small modulations. In order for this piece to really flourish you gotta have those harmonies, no questions asked.

Be careful with how you use those 16th note 'embellishments' that have thirds attached to them. Those can get painful.

In measure 7 to 10, write the bottom line in treble. It makes it easier to read. Same thing in measure 15 and 16.

In measure 21 and 22, watch out for those leaps in the bassline. They're not difficult, but at the speed they're at they can prove quite a challenge to someone who's trying out the sheet for the first time.

In measure 23, be careful how you use layers. Here, you're going to want to switch that whole note to the first layer, and those half notes to the second layer.

In measure 24, throw those high g's in the bass to the treble line.

Other than that, dynamics work, and visually, it isn't too unappealing. The only visual thing I have to complain about is the 'piano' and 'pno' labels at the beginning of each staff. Get rid of them. We already know that this is a piano. No need to be redundant. Also, watch out for clashing notes. You can remedy that by getting your notation tool and individually moving at least one note in each staff using your directional pad. That should reset the spacing and space it out correctly. It's a dumb, but handy trick. 

Well, that's it for now. This isn't bad work at all, especially for some new work. I look forward to seeing the progress you make.

[AwesomeYears]

Paragraph 3: (Anyways, few things...) So you want me to change the quarters notes into the faint 16th notes in the background?
Paragraph 4: Not too sure of what you mean...
Paragraph 5: I'm having a guess but in bar 8 where there is 16-16-16-16rest?
Paragraph 6: Finale Notepad can't do that...
Paragraph 7: Fixed so that it stops on the second quaver.
Paragraph 8 and 9: Fixed
Paragraph 10: I think like Latios' arrangement, I can't remove it...

[Brassman388]

My computer is having problems. I'll work on what I said to kinda show you what I mean. In the meantime, sit tight.

[AwesomeYears]

My computer is having problems. I'll work on what I said to kinda show you what I mean. In the meantime, sit tight.

Whatever you say boss! Also, can you change crochet into crotchet?

[AwesomeYears]

Mini-bump

[AwesomeYears]

HUGE BUMP

[Xaoz]

In the meantime, sit tight.

Patience!
Take a look at winter! Took four years for his request to be fulfilled! It's done, when it's done!

[AwesomeYears]

Patience!
Take a look at winter! Took four years for his request to be fulfilled! It's done, when it's done!

But that's a request, this is a whole submission!

[AwesomeYears]

Just, one, last, bump!