Yayyyy chrono trigger!
Sounds good, man. Just gonna list a few things, though:
-You're right, wrong key, haha. I'd go F minor for this one (and then Eb minor at 11)
-First four bars sound great, fuckin love those cluster chords. Only thing is, you'll want to tie an eighth note to a half note, rather than a half note to an eighth note, because you need to make beat 3 apparent. Rule of thumb = always tie over the middle of the bar.
-Nitpicky thing, but each of those chords in the right hand releases on the "and" of beat 1 of the next measure. So, it'd be tied over to an eighth note, then there'd be one eighth rest before the next two chords are played.
-Bar 8, go ahead and make that B natural a Cb, for proper chromaticism.
-Chord in the right hand on bar 9 should be held out another bar
-I would go ahead and include the timpani thing in bar 10, in the left hand; you could do that by using pedal for those two bars, and just starting the figure on the low B on beat 2. Not necessary, but I think it'd make those 2 bars more interesting/accurate to the original.
-All of those chords in the right hand bars 5-10 should have another note underneath; it's basically just a major second below the current bottom note of each chord. So, it's continuing the cluster chord idea from before.
-You can do something for the percussion in the intro/bar 10, if you want; if you do, I'd suggest a sort of tremolo using F in the left hand. But incorporating percussion is always optional, so that's really up to you.
Now, for the Eb minor section (11-end):
-Gb in measure 11 should be an Ab
-Db in measure 12 should be a Bb
-You should probably use pedal for this section; so, beat 1 of measure 11, beat 1 of measure 12, beat 1 and 3 of measure 13, beat 1 of measure 14, etc.
-Measure 13, I know that the RH and LH parts overlap, but you'll still want to indicate the melody in the right hand and parenthesize the notes, to be clear. Also, beat 4 in the left hand should be C, and the sixteenth note leading into measure 14 should be Eb (making the note you land on in measure 14 be F).
-It'd be nice to include those MIDI voice parts from measure 15-18; otherwise, it's kinda just a dull repetition.
(Speaking of repetition, a few of the suggestions I made for measures 11-14 apply here, too; the pedal, the Gb->Ab in measure 15, the Db->Bb in measure 16, the Eb->C in measure 17)
-Measures 19-20 should be 4-part harmony; 19 should be Cb in the left hand (in the staff), and there should be a Gb on the bottom of that right hand chord. 20 should be Bb in the left hand (also in the staff), with an F added on the bottom of that right hand chord.
-Definitely include the timpani part in the LH for measure 21 through the end; that sort of "impetuoso" feeling is what makes it move. Unless you include it, that crescendo in measure 22 is kind of meaningless, as it only holds implications for a single note. Also, measure 23 to the end just becomes super boring and static without it.
-Now, that may interfere with the "Ab, Bb, Eb" thing you have going on in measures 21 - 22 as of right now. That's ok; I like the idea of having it in a different octave to emphasize it, but it really doesn't need to be. Just rearticulate the Ab and Bb that you already have in the right hand, and you should be good.
-Beat 4 of measures 23, 24, and 25 should all be cluster chords in the right hand; Ab, Bb, Eb.
Well, I've procrastinated on this paper for long enough, but I'm pretty sure I got mostly everything. Lemme know if you have any questions.