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Author Topic: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!  (Read 22769 times)

MaestroUGC

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Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« on: January 16, 2013, 03:40:45 AM »

I like video games, so I want to review them to. No fluff, just a straight foward review. Let's start with classic game, yes?

Super Mario 64

Is good game. I like it. Mayro jumps and kicks. Spin Bowser. Save Princess Pear.

Rating: 10/Kumquat

Too short.

Rating: 1/10/Kumquat pie

Go play.


Well, I hope you liked it. Expect more reviews later? In the meantime, feel free to post your own reverends while you wait in the meantime.

Table of Complaints:
Super Mario 64 - Look up you dumb-bumb
Super Mario World 2 - An adventure in babystting
Pikmin - Flower Power!
Diddy Kong Racing - The best Mario Kart
Luigi's Mansion - Resident Mario, if you will
The NES Mario Games - All terrible movies
Mario Kart 64 - The best Mario Kart
BattleTanx - Tanx-a-plooza!
Pikmin 2 - Flowerer Powerer-er!
Wario Land 4 - The best your nightmares can offer
Super Mario Sunshine - Public Service: The Game
Nintendo Land - Not quite Mario Party
Superman [N64] - Winner of "Most Soul Crushing Game of All Time"
Lego Racers - The Game Nuts and Bolts wishes it could be
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 - World Domination for Fun and Profit
Mario Party - Because Lady Fortuna hates you
Paper Mario - Mario is 2D at last again for the first time!
Super Smash Bros. - Because beating the sh*t out of bad guys isn't enough
Worms Series Summary - It isn't violence if it's worm on worm
Top Ten Mario Kart Tracks - Lists are fun
Banjo-Kazooie - Mmfm, it's so good
The Neverhood - Oh Gawd, it's so wonderful
Super Mario Galaxy - Mario in Space
Yoshi's Story - Nintendo's Baby Game for Babies
Conker's Bad Fur Day - Rated M for MostwonderfulthingI'veeverwitnessed
New Super Mario Bros. - More Mario, More Money
Wario World - Because Talent
Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards - Just for you, Blue
Slow Reviews Stuff and junk - Happy Birthday
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door - Paper cuts galore
Donkey Kong Country - A game about monkeys
Super Mario World - A nice game A piece of s***
Monopoly - Money 'n' s***
Super Mario 3D World - Game of the Year 2013
Wii Music - Beethoven never sounded so terrible
The Wonderful 101 - It's just so... Wonderful
Dig Dug - the Diggening
Mario Kart 8 - Almost Perfect Mario Kart
Fortune Street - Monopoly, but in the Real World
« Last Edit: December 24, 2014, 05:28:00 PM by MaestroUGC »
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2013, 03:42:52 AM »

I give it a 9.8/Kumquat

Also in my game I saved Princess Plum, weird.
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MaestroUGC

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2013, 03:44:56 AM »

I think you got a glovelegged version. Made by Notendo.
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2013, 03:46:22 AM »

You also said in the meantime twice in your last sentence, but I don't know if I should tell you because that would make it even shorter.
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Waddle Bro

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2013, 08:12:08 AM »

maestro for ign
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Yugi

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2013, 11:16:59 PM »

maestro for ign
You can't spell ignorant without ign.

In both ways.
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MaestroUGC

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2013, 05:43:31 AM »

Super Mario World 2:
Trouble in Paradise

The sequel to SUper Mario World, the most perfectest-er game ever. They took everything great about it, did a few lines of coke, and said, "F*** that shit"* and shat out this piece of poo-poo.
*Translated poorly from the original Mandarin

They took out the power-ups, turned Mario into a baby, and stuck him on his retarded pet, Yoshy. You might think, "oh, this can't be too bad, it's just a prequel story" except that baby Maryo turns out to be a high-maintenence b****. You have to take this bubble boy all the way to baby bowser, which makes no sense cause Bowsré ain't no baby. That b**** kidnapped Luggy, who was probably being a little punk like always.

The best part of the game? Marty never shutps up. He's all "Wait, you built a time machine out of a DeLorean" and "What the hell's a gigawatt?" every time you toss him off your back. What? What do you mean he's a baby and can't talk? What the hell does he do then? Scream?!? Oh, no, that's much better!! F*** you, Miyamoto.

Ya flower picking bastard.


Score: 10/10

You go play now.
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Yugi

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2013, 05:46:37 AM »

Luggy
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2013, 05:49:42 AM »

I like how he outlines the good qualities in a game before giving it such a wonderful score
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BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2013, 06:06:20 AM »

The best part of the game? Marty never shutps up. He's all "Wait, you built a time machine out of a DeLorean" and "What the hell's a gigawatt?" every time you toss him off your back.
O_O

Great scott!
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MaestroUGC

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2013, 05:07:57 AM »

Pikmin

What can be said about Pumpkin that hasn't already been said by everybody ever?

Nothing.

Not a thing.

Not a God Damn thing.

So instead, I'll say this:

Flamstertenfth.

Score: 10 reds/3 yellows.
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Yugi

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2013, 05:09:49 AM »

Best review ever.
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Olimar12345

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2013, 05:11:46 AM »

Seems legit.
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BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2013, 05:17:12 AM »

Pikmin
So instead, I'll say this:

Flamstertenfth.

Score: 10 reds/3 yellows.
Instant classic.
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Maestro Plays Games Too!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2013, 01:26:02 PM »

As a fellow critic, what criteria do you base your reviews on? Do you have a specific strategy for writing your reviews? I must say they are concise, yet effective.
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