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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 28764 times)

SpartanChief17

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #450 on: April 17, 2017, 02:37:02 AM »

Because today is Easter:

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law, were all going on vacation in Israel.  The mother-in-law randomly dies.  The man has to take her to an undertaker.  The undertaker says "You have two options: I can ship her back to be buried in the US for $5,000, or I can have her buried here in Israel for $150.  What do you think?"

The man thinks for a moment, then says "I'd like her shipped back to the US."

The undertaker is surprised, and asks "but why? You could bury her here for only $150!"

The man replies "I know. But many years ago, a man was buried in Israel.  Three days later, he rose from the dead. I'm not taking that chance!"
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I am addicted to this song:
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ThatHiddenCharacter

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #451 on: April 17, 2017, 02:39:17 AM »

I wonder how many people aren't going to get the joke. It took 10 seconds before it hit me.
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NocturneOfShadow

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #452 on: April 17, 2017, 02:39:35 AM »

That's pretty good
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cashwarrior1

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #453 on: April 17, 2017, 02:52:55 AM »

The man has to take her to an undertaker.
I thought that read, "The man has to take her underwear." and I was very confused.
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E. Gadd Industries

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #454 on: April 17, 2017, 02:43:35 PM »

That's pretty good
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#justthcthings
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AmpharosAndy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #455 on: April 29, 2017, 08:17:40 PM »

Do you guys want to see the newest Star Wars spoiler?

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Star Wars
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LeviR.star

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #456 on: October 20, 2017, 04:03:18 PM »

A woman walks into a veterinarian's office with a limp duck. She says to him, "Doctor, my duck hasn't moved in days. Could you figure out what's wrong with him?" The vet pulls out his stethoscope and holds it to the duck's heart, and says to the woman, "I am afraid your duck is dead, ma'am."

"How can you be so sure?!" she protested, welling up with tears. "Can you at least check to see that he's not comatose??" Hesitant at first, the vet agrees.

First, he comes into the room with a Yellow Labrador Retriever. The dog jumps up onto the counter, sniffs various parts of the duck, and whines. The vet pats the dog on the head and heads out the door with him.

He then comes into the room with a Tabby. The cat jumps up onto the counter, rubs her cheek on the duck's feathers, and meows. The vet pats the cat on the head and heads on the door with her.

Finally, the vet returns, tells the woman her duck is dead, and hands her a bill. The total: $150.00. Flabbergasted, the woman cries out, "150 dollars? Just to tell me that my duck is dead?"

The vet replies, "Well, if you just took my word for it the first time, the total would have been 20 dollars. But after the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, the total is now 150 dollars."
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Dude

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #457 on: October 20, 2017, 05:14:27 PM »

This thread.
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Pianist Da Sootopolis

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #458 on: October 20, 2017, 06:08:29 PM »

@Levi your joke is more of an honest reflection on the US healthcare system tbh
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blueflower999

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #459 on: October 20, 2017, 08:20:40 PM »

A woman walks into a veterinarian's office with a limp duck.
I misread this sentence
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E. Gadd Industries

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #460 on: October 20, 2017, 11:37:39 PM »

Same XD why would a woman walk into a vegetarian’s office with a limp duck?
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mastersuperfan

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #461 on: October 20, 2017, 11:47:32 PM »

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Dude

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #462 on: October 21, 2017, 12:14:14 AM »

Same XD why would a woman walk into a vegetarian’s office with a limp duck?
pure boy
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