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Jokes

Started by SlowPokemon, November 30, 2010, 04:26:33 AM

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SlowPokemon

Quote from: universe-X on December 11, 2010, 09:25:46 PMSo there's a guy and a girl having sex. The guy throws the condom he's using out the window. The girl says "If you wanna keep going, you have to get that condom." So the guy goes to get it and sees a kid holding it. The guy pulls some candy he stashed in his pocket out. He tells the child "I'll give you this candy for that candy. They trade and the kid goes home and the guy goes back to business.

The kid goes home, his mom sees the candy and asks "Hey son, where did you get that candy from?" The kid replies "I traded with a guy, but joke's on him: I got all the cream out of his candy."

Stupid, I know, but I just had to get this out. xD

That was not funny at all. Just because a joke is raunchy does not make it funny. Both you and SNL need to learn that.

Quote from: Maretocks on December 12, 2010, 02:51:37 PM*Straight face* Disgusting. :P

So a neutron walks in to and asks for a drink. The bartender gives him one, and the neutron asks, "How much will that be?" And the bartender says, "No charge for you."

...I laughed.



I did too. :)
Quote from: Tobbeh99 on April 21, 2016, 02:56:11 PM
Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

Maretocks

No need to tell him off. :P

Also, maths joke: Pi: "Get real!" i: "Be rational!"
<INSERT WITTY SLOGAN>

Winter


SlowPokemon

...saturday night live... :)
Quote from: Tobbeh99 on April 21, 2016, 02:56:11 PM
Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

Maretocks

<INSERT WITTY SLOGAN>

Winter

OH.

Zelda, Link, and a Goron were stranded on a desert island, and they saw the land of Hyrule 25 miles in the distance. Well, Link decided to try to swim back for help. He swam 15 miles, then drowned. Then Zelda gave it a try. She swam 20 miles, then drowned. It was up to the Goron now to get back to Hyrule, so he swam 24 3/4 miles, then said;
"I'm sooooo tired! I guess I better go back!"

universe-X

Quote from: SlowPokemon on December 12, 2010, 03:10:48 PMThat was not funny at all. Just because a joke is raunchy does not make it funny. Both you and SNL need to learn that.

Calm down, I just felt like sharing. >_>

Quote from: Maretocks on December 12, 2010, 02:51:37 PMSo a neutron walks in to and asks for a drink. The bartender gives him one, and the neutron asks, "How much will that be?" And the bartender says, "No charge for you."
...I laughed.

Educational jokes make us nerds laugh :D

ETFROXX

Quote from: winterkid09 on December 12, 2010, 03:18:57 PMOH.

Zelda, Link, and a Goron were stranded on a desert island, and they saw the land of Hyrule 25 miles in the distance. Well, Link decided to try to swim back for help. He swam 15 miles, then drowned. Then Zelda gave it a try. She swam 20 miles, then drowned. It was up to the Goron now to get back to Hyrule, so he swam 24 3/4 miles, then said;
"I'm sooooo tired! I guess I better go back!"

Again, rip off of blonde joke.

Winter

I DON'T CARE!!!

It's got an element that A blonde joke couldn't add. That being the freaking goron :p

Ruto

I guess this is probably a few I've heard that isn't racist

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.


(Heisenberg's uncertainty principle for ya)

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

I seem to be missing a piece of my ear.

GaryOak

Quote from: universe-X on December 11, 2010, 09:25:46 PMSo there's a guy and a girl having sex. The guy throws the condom he's using out the window. The girl says "If you wanna keep going, you have to get that condom." So the guy goes to get it and sees a kid holding it. The guy pulls some candy he stashed in his pocket out. He tells the child "I'll give you this candy for that candy. They trade and the kid goes home and the guy goes back to business.

The kid goes home, his mom sees the candy and asks "Hey son, where did you get that candy from?" The kid replies "I traded with a guy, but joke's on him: I got all the cream out of his candy."

What kind of candys have cream on them? I've never seen a candy that has cream on it! I wouldn't eat it though, candy+cream doesn't sound too good.
In Finnish hunting culture it is common for hunters to shoot everything that moves, sometimes even themselves.

Quote from: Saria
I love you. <3
Quote from: Bubbles
I love you
Quote from: Waddle Bro
<3 u2 Gary

SuperFireKirby

Quote from: Ruto on December 13, 2010, 10:42:42 AMHow many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
You, my good lady, have just won this thread.

Quote from: Mashi on March 26, 2013, 05:54:37 PMAfter viewing both FMA:Brotherhood and Naruto Shippuden, it would be frivolous to even consider watching an anime as unbearably mediocre as Melancholy. NARUTOxHINATA 4 LYFE!!!

Concerto No.20 in D minor

Eh, tone down the jokes universe.

universe-X

Quote from: Concerto No.20 in D minor on December 13, 2010, 03:12:04 PMEh, tone down the jokes universe.
Okie doke.

Quote from: GaryOak on December 13, 2010, 12:06:48 PMWhat kind of candys have cream on them? I've never seen a candy that has cream on it! I wouldn't eat it though, candy+cream doesn't sound too good.
In them. Almost like that one with coconut shreds in it, etc.

Winter

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie! I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".........