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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 27888 times)

SlowPokemon

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #30 on: December 13, 2010, 12:10:48 AM »

So there's a guy and a girl having sex. The guy throws the condom he's using out the window. The girl says "If you wanna keep going, you have to get that condom." So the guy goes to get it and sees a kid holding it. The guy pulls some candy he stashed in his pocket out. He tells the child "I'll give you this candy for that candy. They trade and the kid goes home and the guy goes back to business.

The kid goes home, his mom sees the candy and asks "Hey son, where did you get that candy from?" The kid replies "I traded with a guy, but joke's on him: I got all the cream out of his candy."

Stupid, I know, but I just had to get this out. xD

That was not funny at all. Just because a joke is raunchy does not make it funny. Both you and SNL need to learn that.

*Straight face* Disgusting. :P

So a neutron walks in to and asks for a drink. The bartender gives him one, and the neutron asks, "How much will that be?" And the bartender says, "No charge for you."

...I laughed.



I did too. :)
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Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

Maretocks

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #31 on: December 13, 2010, 12:14:35 AM »

No need to tell him off. :P

Also, maths joke: Pi: "Get real!" i: "Be rational!"
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Winter

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #32 on: December 13, 2010, 12:16:06 AM »

Wait, who's SNL
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #33 on: December 13, 2010, 12:17:04 AM »

...saturday night live... :)
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Maretocks

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #34 on: December 13, 2010, 12:17:42 AM »

Oooooooooooh.
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Winter

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #35 on: December 13, 2010, 12:18:57 AM »

OH.

Zelda, Link, and a Goron were stranded on a desert island, and they saw the land of Hyrule 25 miles in the distance. Well, Link decided to try to swim back for help. He swam 15 miles, then drowned. Then Zelda gave it a try. She swam 20 miles, then drowned. It was up to the Goron now to get back to Hyrule, so he swam 24 3/4 miles, then said;
"I'm sooooo tired! I guess I better go back!"
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universe-X

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #36 on: December 13, 2010, 01:46:04 AM »

That was not funny at all. Just because a joke is raunchy does not make it funny. Both you and SNL need to learn that.

Calm down, I just felt like sharing. >_>

So a neutron walks in to and asks for a drink. The bartender gives him one, and the neutron asks, "How much will that be?" And the bartender says, "No charge for you."
...I laughed.

Educational jokes make us nerds laugh :D
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ETFROXX

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #37 on: December 13, 2010, 04:18:17 AM »

OH.

Zelda, Link, and a Goron were stranded on a desert island, and they saw the land of Hyrule 25 miles in the distance. Well, Link decided to try to swim back for help. He swam 15 miles, then drowned. Then Zelda gave it a try. She swam 20 miles, then drowned. It was up to the Goron now to get back to Hyrule, so he swam 24 3/4 miles, then said;
"I'm sooooo tired! I guess I better go back!"

Again, rip off of blonde joke.
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Winter

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #38 on: December 13, 2010, 05:44:03 AM »

I DON'T CARE!!!

It's got an element that A blonde joke couldn't add. That being the freaking goron :p
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Ruto

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #39 on: December 13, 2010, 07:42:42 PM »

I guess this is probably a few I've heard that isn't racist

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.


(Heisenberg's uncertainty principle for ya)

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
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GaryOak

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #40 on: December 13, 2010, 09:06:48 PM »

So there's a guy and a girl having sex. The guy throws the condom he's using out the window. The girl says "If you wanna keep going, you have to get that condom." So the guy goes to get it and sees a kid holding it. The guy pulls some candy he stashed in his pocket out. He tells the child "I'll give you this candy for that candy. They trade and the kid goes home and the guy goes back to business.

The kid goes home, his mom sees the candy and asks "Hey son, where did you get that candy from?" The kid replies "I traded with a guy, but joke's on him: I got all the cream out of his candy."

What kind of candys have cream on them? I've never seen a candy that has cream on it! I wouldn't eat it though, candy+cream doesn't sound too good.
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SuperFireKirby

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #41 on: December 13, 2010, 09:20:39 PM »

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
You, my good lady, have just won this thread.
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After viewing both FMA:Brotherhood and Naruto Shippuden, it would be frivolous to even consider watching an anime as unbearably mediocre as Melancholy. NARUTOxHINATA 4 LYFE!!!

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #42 on: December 14, 2010, 12:12:04 AM »

Eh, tone down the jokes universe.
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universe-X

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #43 on: December 14, 2010, 11:46:39 PM »

Eh, tone down the jokes universe.
Okie doke.

What kind of candys have cream on them? I've never seen a candy that has cream on it! I wouldn't eat it though, candy+cream doesn't sound too good.
In them. Almost like that one with coconut shreds in it, etc.
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Winter

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #44 on: December 16, 2010, 12:46:38 AM »

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie! I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".........
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