[NDS] Kirby: Squeak Squad - "Prism Plains" by Dekkadeci

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby: Squeak Squad
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Prism Plains
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Dekkadeci

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[Dekkadeci]

I decided to go with the Kirby's Dream Collection name of this theme:

...because who seriously says that they're remixing "Stage Music 2" from Kirby: Squeak Squad?

[Latios212]

Nice to see this one. Title sounds good to me, and sheet is looking pretty solid!

Some passing comments as I skim over this one:
- Check the bass notes over again - I'm seeing parts where they don't match up with the original. I recall I looked at the first couple bars of the loop a while back...

Spoiler

[close]

Of course don't keep the 16ths, but yeah that doesn't quite match up with what you have written.
- Extend the 8va over to the end of the phrase in m. 17 and 33 - that way you preserve the contour of the melody line AND better denote where the phrases start/end.
- Probably best to just extend the 8va from 30-33 as well.
- I think it'd be best to use Gb instead of F# for the chromatic descents in 27 and 29.
- Try modifying the LH in m. 30-31 so that you don't demand more than an octave span.

Also, the biggest thing with this song is its high tempo, and while it looks like you've done a decent job of keeping is reasonable, I'm going to shed some light on a few pain points in particular you may want to reconsider.
- The figure at the end of m. 5 - that's quite a descent down to the low C in the next measure after the 16th run. I'd suggest eliminating the last three 16th notes there - all they do is double the melody.
- You have a similarly large jump in the left hand to the 16th line in the last measure, could also take those few notes out without losing a whole lot.
- The same 16th line in m. 17 is reasonable since they're in the same octave as the notes preceding, but those repeated chords are... pretty difficult.

[Dekkadeci]

Nice to see this one. Title sounds good to me, and sheet is looking pretty solid!

Some passing comments as I skim over this one:
- Check the bass notes over again - I'm seeing parts where they don't match up with the original. I recall I looked at the first couple bars of the loop a while back...

Spoiler

[close]

Of course don't keep the 16ths, but yeah that doesn't quite match up with what you have written.
- Extend the 8va over to the end of the phrase in m. 17 and 33 - that way you preserve the contour of the melody line AND better denote where the phrases start/end.
- Probably best to just extend the 8va from 30-33 as well.
- I think it'd be best to use Gb instead of F# for the chromatic descents in 27 and 29.
- Try modifying the LH in m. 30-31 so that you don't demand more than an octave span.

Also, the biggest thing with this song is its high tempo, and while it looks like you've done a decent job of keeping is reasonable, I'm going to shed some light on a few pain points in particular you may want to reconsider.
- The figure at the end of m. 5 - that's quite a descent down to the low C in the next measure after the 16th run. I'd suggest eliminating the last three 16th notes there - all they do is double the melody.
- You have a similarly large jump in the left hand to the 16th line in the last measure, could also take those few notes out without losing a whole lot.
- The same 16th line in m. 17 is reasonable since they're in the same octave as the notes preceding, but those repeated chords are... pretty difficult.

All done--here's hoping I got the octaves of the notes in the bass correct this time. I made the repeated chords a bit easier by having only eighth-note staccatos instead of 16th notes. I kept the topmost note of each more-than-octave LH span in Bars 30-31 but raised the lowest note because I kept hearing the topmost note more prominently.

Dang how lo-fi this song is, though....

[Dekkadeci]

Bump.

[Brassman388]

It's a pretty good looking sheet aside from the left margin being a little more off than the right margin.

The intro has a percussive 16th thing going on there leading into the down beat. I feel like it would help establishing the pulse from the get go if you included it somehow, whether it's imitating the note after it. As is, it kinda loses it's rhythmic pulse from the start.

So there's a couple of spots that have this tailing 16th triplet figure leading to the down beat. This happens in M. 4, 7, 19, 20, and 23. Be careful because there's variation as to where it happens and isn't always the same in the second A.

M. 30 - 31: it has this circle of fifths progression going. It seems to be there for the most part, but the bass isn't reflecting that. I feel like it would solidify what is happening if the bass figures weren't inverted, but in root position. 

That's all I got so far from listening to it. Youtube has a feature which is really nice, where you can slow down a song however much you need to without changing its pitch. This should help to pick out some of those tricky triplet 16ths I mentioned earlier.

Overall, it's a good piece. Give it a good polishing and I think we'll be in business.

[Dekkadeci]

It's a pretty good looking sheet aside from the left margin being a little more off than the right margin.

Blame Trasdegi's template and converter, then. That's what I used.

The intro has a percussive 16th thing going on there leading into the down beat. I feel like it would help establishing the pulse from the get go if you included it somehow, whether it's imitating the note after it. As is, it kinda loses it's rhythmic pulse from the start.

Added the 16th notes as a pickup bar.

So there's a couple of spots that have this tailing 16th triplet figure leading to the down beat. This happens in M. 4, 7, 19, 20, and 23. Be careful because there's variation as to where it happens and isn't always the same in the second A.

I did notice the 16th-note triplets in the melody when I listened to this song through better headphones, but dang can they get difficult to play. I hope I got which ones are triplets and which ones are duplets correct--my speakers at home still won't play hi-fi enough for me to really make sure.

M. 30 - 31: it has this circle of fifths progression going. It seems to be there for the most part, but the bass isn't reflecting that. I feel like it would solidify what is happening if the bass figures weren't inverted, but in root position.

I moved the first bass line note of Bar 31 to better reflect a circle of fifths chord progression. I still kept the uppermost left-hand notes in Bars 30-31 because they're the loudest in the original.

That's all I got so far from listening to it. Youtube has a feature which is really nice, where you can slow down a song however much you need to without changing its pitch. This should help to pick out some of those tricky triplet 16ths I mentioned earlier.

Overall, it's a good piece. Give it a good polishing and I think we'll be in business.

If only I could actually play videos on YouTube at 25% speed without losing the audio completely! As-is, I'm stuck with only the 75% and 50% settings, and sometimes, they don't help as much as I'd like.

[Brassman388]

Cool. Try and do the best you can, then update the sheet and I'll take a look at it later to see if those dastardly 16ths are placed correctly.

[Dekkadeci]

Cool. Try and do the best you can, then update the sheet and I'll take a look at it later to see if those dastardly 16ths are placed correctly.

I already updated the sheets last night.

[LeviR.star]

Well, the margin's still off. I'd hate to think that all 100 of Tras' sheets look like that...

[Brassman388]

Dont' worry, I got it.

I changed that circle of fifths thing, updated the margins, and gave everything a little more space.

I also worked m. 26 - 29 in the bass because from what I heard there's still movement going on there. It's connected, but there's some interesting harmony that I accentuated with the back and forth of the eighth notes. You don't have to keep it like this, I was just playing around that spot since I was checking everything else.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v2ex37ykk53xpo/Kirby%20Squeak%20Squad%20-%20Prism%20Plains%20Theme%20edit1.mus?dl=0

[LeviR.star]

I should point out that if 16ths are barely manageable at 150 bpm, then there's no way anyone's going to try repeated 16th triplets at 180.

Also, publisher should come before developer(s) in copyright info.

[Dekkadeci]

Note that, this time, I only updated the .mus. I edited Brassman388's file for this.

Dont' worry, I got it.

I changed that circle of fifths thing, updated the margins, and gave everything a little more space.

I also worked m. 26 - 29 in the bass because from what I heard there's still movement going on there. It's connected, but there's some interesting harmony that I accentuated with the back and forth of the eighth notes. You don't have to keep it like this, I was just playing around that spot since I was checking everything else.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v2ex37ykk53xpo/Kirby%20Squeak%20Squad%20-%20Prism%20Plains%20Theme%20edit1.mus?dl=0

I changed the starting chords in Bars 27 and 29 because the B's in the left hand didn't sound accurate at all. The rest sounded fine, though.

I should point out that if 16ths are barely manageable at 150 bpm, then there's no way anyone's going to try repeated 16th triplets at 180.

Also, publisher should come before developer(s) in copyright info.

Put the publisher before the developer, though I checked the most recent Kirby sheets on this website and they're quite inconsistent as to whether "HAL Laboratory" or "Nintendo" comes first. (I used my older Kirby sheet that got accepted as a guideline--guess that might need to be edited.)

[Brassman388]

That should all work just fine.

You should update everything else seeing this is probably ready for acceptance.

[Dekkadeci]

Updated the other 2 files just now.