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Messages - Latios212

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Here's the original!

Site News / Re: Update, Wednesday 15th of August 2018
« on: August 15, 2018, 01:54:35 AM »
And now we return to your irregularly scheduled update.

I was moving bookcases.
that sounds like a great poem

Nice work, everyone!

Yep, Static's right. I've got that updated for you real quick. Good to go.

Levi told me via Discord I could make the edits for him, so I did.

Looks good.

I think this would work better in D major.

Splendid! Approved.

I too support the use of a pickup measure. Even though the 16th notes are in strict time, they serve as a, well... pickup to the main melody; I'd personally almost consider them grace notes. Besides, you're not including the percussive intro, so I don't think it's needed to count in. That's not saying you have to use the pickup measure, though, if you don't want to. But that's why I'd suggest doing so.

Small thing: the grace notes in m. 34 are difficult to execute properly. Take another look and see if you want to keep those or not.

Other than that, it really looks terrific to me! That's all I have, very nice work!

Submission Archive / Re: [PC] Hollow Knight - "Dirtmouth" by Maelstrom
« on: August 14, 2018, 02:59:24 AM »

Notes check out for me :3

Just a final few visual comments:
- You may want to just use 16th rests for the LH of m. 1 and 2 instead of having the noteheads for the low F's adjacent to each other.
- You can combine layers for beat 3-4 of m. 6 and 8, and use staccatos normally instead of doubling them.
- I'd suggest separating the LH/RH staves from m. 5-8 since the triplet 3 is as close to the LH figure as it is to the right. You can move another system onto page 2 to make room for this if you like.

Submission Archive / Re: [PC] Hollow Knight - "Dirtmouth" by Maelstrom
« on: August 14, 2018, 02:18:30 AM »
- m. 11 eighth note in RH should be quarter
- m. 15 quarter in RH should be eighth note
- I think you can include both the piano and the violin part in m. 20-25, what I'm seeing doesn't really match up too well with what the original sounds like. 35-36 too.
- Last note in m. 26 LH should be G

Hm it overall seems pretty good to me...

The second page is missing the quotation marks around the title, though.

Nice, just a few more things...

- The composer/arranger info is a bit high; you can lower that and actually all the systems on the first page a bit to use the space at the bottom better.
- Try moving m. 55 down to the next system to even out the distribution better.
- Layering in the left hand: places like m. 4 (and others like it) look odd because the staccato and tie are flipped upwards when there's nothing underneath them. If not flipping those notes/articulations/ties normally, consider simply condensing into one layer.

Uhh... looks like you still have your old files in the panel :P

This is, wow, really impressive! Both in terms of having the patience to see this whole thing through, and getting it to sound and look good. Especially after just a month of arranging.

Like I did with Id (Purpose), I’m taking a close look at this and will leave comments regarding the arrangement and presentation (without checking any notes yet). Get ready! :)

General comments
- If you’re basing it off the Revelations version, I’d suggest using the official title “End of All (Below)”.
- I’d recommend rehearsal markings (measure number in the box) and double barlines at the beginning of each major section here since the composition is so long and varied (places like m. 78-79 would be nice to denote, for example). The sections correlate to the sections I’ve split it into below, though I may have split it into a few more sections than necessary.
- The layout and measure/system distribution look terrific! Nice job keeping everything looking well balanced on the page.
- There needs to be more clarity in regards to the tempo when moving between time signatures - from 4/4 to 6/8 to 12/16 to 6/4. You have a (quarter = dotted eighth) marking at m. 55, but the other time signature transitions where the beat unit is changing should also have similar clarifying markings.

Measures 1-3
- Would recommend dyads in each hand here instead of all on the top staff; playing those chords is awkward for one hand to do.
- You can include lyrics here if you want, I’d go for it :P

Measures 4-15
- You can remove the courtesy accidentals at the beginning of m. 4 since it comes right after the key change - the sharps should be immediately obvious.
- A dynamic at m. 8 for the repeat (and possibly m. 4 as well for the section change) would do nicely.
- Watch your 16th rest heights in m. 12-13 and keep them consistent with m. 8-9.
- Flip a couple of the inner ties in m. 14-15.

Measure 16-23
- It feels a bit empty here as the repetitive part suddenly just disappears. Taken on its own though, it sounds just fine, so I’d say the way you arranged it is good.
- Move the eighth rests back onto the staff here. Also try combining the layers in m. 19 - the large rests there aren’t particularly helpful.

Measure 24-31
- Wow, this works a lot better on piano than I originally thought. I was hesitant at first about the repeated 32nd notes, but in practice it’s actually not that hard to repeatedly press those keys in a way that sounds like the original. I’d take the top notes with the right hand when possible as the notes are fast and some of these intervals are large, but that’s not something you have to notate - it’s fine as is.
- I’m a bit skeptical about the way the rhythm is written out since it seems pretty hard to decipher if you don’t already know what the original sounds like. However, the 32nd notes are appropriate for the tempo here which isn’t changed from other sections, so it works. You can clarify it a bit better in some places though - for example in m. 27 and 31 beat 2 is oddly written as 16th-8th rest-16th rest making it difficult to pinpoint where the middle of the measure (beat 3) is.  Use 16th-16th rest-8th rest instead.
- Watch the accent in m. 31. You could also just cut short the whole note and combine the RH layers here.

Measures 32-45
- I’m personally getting more of a 12/16 vibe here, at least for m. 32-37; the melody and arpeggios suggest that to me. Though the following part does feel better in 6/8 (at least the melody), so I’m not sure at the moment…
- Pedalling every half measure from m. 32-37 would be preferable to each whole measure due to the chord changes.
- I think we can try to spice m. 38-44 up a bit - I don’t feel like the upper right hand layer is particularly interesting there. But it is hard to find something to fill up the space there with…

Measures 46-54
- This is a pretty fast tempo to be playing parallel octaves, I’d definitely suggest cutting the lower octave notes for the 32nd notes.
- Accidentals don’t look quite right here - haven’t looked too closely but I think m. 49 should be spelled using naturals and flats instead of sharps. GIve m . 53-54 another look as well.

Measures 55-62
- Move the tempo marking up and away from the note a little bit.
- You have some eighths tied to sixteenths here that you can just write as dotted eighths like at the beginning of m. 55. You could also use a dotted half for the lower layer in m. 58. Conversely, the dotted quarter at the end of m. 58 would be better written as an eighth tied to a quarter.
- Nice left hand pattern you have here and in the next section. Simple but captures the movement of the rhythm in the original.

Measures 63-70
- You could also put the lyrics in here in addition to the “cantabile” marking. In any case, it’s not clear right now where the singing ends and instrumental part begins between m. 70-71.
- Extend the 8vb over from the previous section instead of making a new one.

Measures 71-78
- This is a comment for the rest of the song; see where you can combine layers in the right hand. It’s good to show the separate motions when they use different rhythms, but it’s fine to just combine them into dyads in places like the second half of m. 72.
- Consider spacing out the staves a bit more at the system with m. 76. The notes get a bit close to each other in the middle. Move the 8vb closer to the lower staff here too; it’s a bit too close to the next system.

Measures 79-87
- Darn, no piano riff in this section? :P Nah, it’s probably best to keep it simple here as you have it.
- Same layer comment about m. 80-81.
- Second dotted half note in m. 86 is missing a dot.
- I think for m. 87 it would be important to try to imitate exactly what the low notes in the original do, as opposed to using the same left hand pattern you have for other places. Is this your transcription of that exact part or was it based on the general rhythm of the preceding/following part?

Measures 88-97
- Consider switching the right hand to bass clef sometimes. There’s a lot of ledger lines here.
- Move the rit. closer to the staff in m. 97.

Measures 98-105
- In measures 98-100, split the second quarter rest into two eighths.

Whew… that’s all for now! Feel free to ask for clarification or help on any of the above :P

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