Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Flying Warriors
Console: Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Practice in the Mountain
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Jacopo Tore (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4805)
Nice arrangement!
Couple things I noticed:
Consider hiding all of the the Pno. abbreviations as that's only useful in a big score with many different instruments.
*If your version of finale won't let you, I can do it for you and make a new file, just let me know.
Meas 7 be careful with the range written in the RH. Looks like a crazy stretch. I suggest moving the A's and G#'s (meas 8) down an octave and moved to the LH, as well as change the LH notes in those 2 measures up an octave to stay playable. If you prefer the C#'s to stay that low, maybe take out the A's and G#'s and replace them with C#'s to make the RH the span of an octave.
Meas 14, change the D# to Eb, as chromatic rules imply that generally, notes going chromatically down will use flats and notes chromatically going up will use sharps. This will also rid the measure of that extra natural in the D. Also, a slur marking over the two grace notes (drag it all the way to the C# on meas 15) will help the player connect them into the C#.
I understand your beaming choices to express the rhythmic pattern in the LH on meas 13, but make sure that's consistent (i.e. change the beaming to that on meas 19/20)*
meas 35 I'd move the F#/C# high notes in the LH to the RH, for easier playability especially in regards to beat 4 of meas 36 in the LH (it's still possible but unnecessarily difficult)
Lastly, consider a switch to treble clef instead of bass clef with an 8va in the last two systems*
Notes look correct so far, great work!
Thank you!
I did everything
Quote from: nacho2420 on July 01, 2018, 12:25:45 PMMeas 7 be careful with the range written in the RH
eights must be play with left hand if you have a little span, my point is not to simplify the score for amateur pianists, they can do it themselves
I want the score is playable and respect the choise of the composer, so if I could not change anything I do not change nothing, I really care about this thing
Looks much better!
Here are some things I have for this one (I'm only able to access the PDF so I'm going off of that. Also, I check note accuracies and whatnot later).
- You have "Composition by" and "Arranged by." For consistency's sake, make either the "Composition" "composed" or the "Arranged" "Arrangement."
- There should be a space in between "by" and "Akinori" concerning the composer information.
- The game title is incorrectly formatted.
- The "m" in the word "mountain" should be capitalized both on the sheet and submission itself.
- There are a lot of incorrect beaming and rhythms here. The quarter rests in M. 1 RH (and others like it) should be two eighths. Also, the LH eighths in the same measure (and others like it) should not be beamed together. Some may argue that eighth - quarter would be easier to read than eighth - eighth.
- The layers in M. 2, 4, etc. (beat 4.0) are misaligned. Deleting the note and re-placing it will do the trick.
- I'd recommend Eb instead of D# in M. 6.
- More incorrect beams/rhythms in M. 13+
- The formatting is a bit wonky on page 2. There is significantly less space in between staves than on page one. You have lots of room on the bottom of page 2, so it wouldn't hurt to straighten that up.
- The copyright information is quite high. That could be lowered some.
Jacopo? Still around?
Quote from: Sebastian on July 05, 2018, 10:14:28 AM- The game title is incorrectly formatted.
- I'd recommend Eb instead of D# in M. 6.
I do not understand
More important question: is everything updated?
Ouf, this is a toughie.
I haven't checked any of the tonal aspects of it yet because the sheet itself is kinda mess.
Let's begin.
Margins for both pages are off. There isn't a standard, but I usually choose something safe like 0.5625 to 0.5 inches on all sides. If you have instrument titles or anything that could fall off the page, take the system margins into consideration when using those two sizes.
Actually, how that I look at it, it looks like your whole page is veering off to the right. I'm not using the mus file, but the pdf file. I'll leave that to you on how to fix it.
Throughout the piece there's this syncopation that you have first in the right hand with the melody in the first eight bars. I understand that you want to keep it in it's sounded range, but for easier performance you may want to consider arranging that into the left hand with the bass figure that it accompanies. This will make the melody easier to play, the left hand much easier to read, and the rhythm of the whole thing easier to look at overall.
Measure 9 - 12, while this is obviously played by two separate hands, maybe you could cross staff both figures? Another solution is to make the downbeat of each note a staccato'd quarter note establishing the pulse and differentiating the syncopation. Play around with it and see what works and what doesn't.
Measure 13 - 36, bottom staff, combine both figures and beam them.
Measure 16, 17, 19, top staff, combine the eighth rests in each measure.
That's all I got so far, and once you fix those things then I'll go through and see if your tones are accurate.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 19, 2018, 08:26:57 PMOuf, this is a toughie.
I haven't checked any of the tonal aspects of it yet because the sheet itself is kinda mess.
Let's begin.
Margins for both pages are off. There isn't a standard, but I usually choose something safe like 0.5625 to 0.5 inches on all sides. If you have instrument titles or anything that could fall off the page, take the system margins into consideration when using those two sizes.
Actually, how that I look at it, it looks like your whole page is veering off to the right. I'm not using the mus file, but the pdf file. I'll leave that to you on how to fix it.
Throughout the piece there's this syncopation that you have first in the right hand with the melody in the first eight bars. I understand that you want to keep it in it's sounded range, but for easier performance you may want to consider arranging that into the left hand with the bass figure that it accompanies. This will make the melody easier to play, the left hand much easier to read, and the rhythm of the whole thing easier to look at overall.
Measure 9 - 12, while this is obviously played by two separate hands, maybe you could cross staff both figures? Another solution is to make the downbeat of each note a staccato'd quarter note establishing the pulse and differentiating the syncopation. Play around with it and see what works and what doesn't.
Measure 13 - 36, bottom staff, combine both figures and beam them.
Measure 16, 17, 19, top staff, combine the eighth rests in each measure.
That's all I got so far, and once you fix those things then I'll go through and see if your tones are accurate.
Ok, your comments are vague and incomprehensible to a non-native of the English language.
What is the title problem? Please explain briefly what the problem is and (if you are capable) provide a solution in a few clear and concise steps, without describing your impressions by looking at the PDF file and without describing your habits of how you work on a score, or by entering the superfluous comments at the end of the post.
Also I still do not understand why the note Eb instead of D#.
Before you took part in this score the eighths were connected according to this scheme https://imgur.com/a/ipncon5, Sebastian asked me to correct them (- More incorrect beams / rhythms in M. 13+) now you are asking me to correct again but without specifying which eighths should be connected, in what quantity and in which groups; could you specify what the problem is and how to solve it? Could you give a graphic example if you can not explain it in words? Thanks
I'm pretty sure this is clear and concise.
Do you want me to write it like I'm google translate or something?
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 20, 2018, 11:28:43 AMI'm pretty sure this is clear and concise.
Do you want me to write it like I'm google translate or something?
Yes thanks, probably other users use it
Sono sicuro che le parole tradotte usando google sembrano divertenti, vero?
Quote from: LeviR.star on August 20, 2018, 02:57:42 PMSono sicuro che le parole tradotte usando google sembrano divertenti, vero?
Sono comprensibili :)
Quote from: LeviR.star on August 20, 2018, 02:57:42 PMSono sicuro che le parole tradotte usando google sembrano divertenti, vero?
Which is why I'm not going to use it. I'll leave the translating to someone who can.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 20, 2018, 04:06:43 PMWhich is why I'm not going to use it. I'll leave the translating to someone who can.
Ok
How about formatting?
I already told you everything that I thought needed fixing. Can't help you if it's a language thing.
Sorry, I wish I could be more help.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 21, 2018, 11:33:57 PMI already told you everything that I thought needed fixing. Can't help you if it's a language thing.
Sorry, I wish I could be more help.
Could you write with a simple words? I need only solution because I change the score without any emprovement so you need to be more specific to help me or you can leave the score in this form I Think is good. You are too slow with words
The formatting of margins is correct now?
Please reply with a simple Yes or tell me whats the right margins I need to put
Jesus Cristo. Fine.
Let's begin.
Fix page Margins: all sides, all pages 0.5625 inches. to 0.5 inches on all sides. Fix letters to fit in the page if you need to.
The entire page is not centered. Center it.
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/Vtzy671.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/EzTgXi4.jpg)
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/FTr5MUl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/jWW49hB.jpg)
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/p4NDXSl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/0sECcaY.jpg)
Fix the rest of the document to make it look correct. Then I will review it again with more instructions if need be.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 23, 2018, 06:56:48 PMEdit #1
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/Vtzy671.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/EzTgXi4.jpg)
Actually what Jacopo has written down is completely fine, and offers a different playing method that might be more comfortable. Plus, the original chords are up in that octave.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 23, 2018, 06:56:48 PMEdit #2
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/FTr5MUl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/jWW49hB.jpg)
You can't tell me that your edit is easier to read rhythmically. Just because you have an opportunity to put a staccato quarter note, doesn't mean it's any more "correct", especially in this circumstance. Furthermore, you didn't even get every single opportunity for it, presumably because it'd be too difficult to read.
As a side note, the bass notes should probably be beamed regardless. Quote from: Brassman388 on August 23, 2018, 06:56:48 PMEdit #3
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/p4NDXSl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/0sECcaY.jpg)
I will concede that this may be better. Jacopo has used an unconventional beaming practice here, though the value of it here is very questionable.
Honestly, claiming that these methods of notation are "incorrect" is very odd. In these situations, neither is inherently "correct" nor "incorrect", so don't belittle the different notation methods used by calling them such.
Quote from: JacopoTore on August 22, 2018, 02:12:42 AMCould you write with a simple words?
If this wasn't an issue, then I wouldn't need to feel inclined to defend every choice that I've made. I'm just trying to get him to make changes on his sheet.
You would understand that if you read through the thread and offered something useful instead of going into rant mode and misinterpreting everything that I've said in my last post.
If that sounded like rant mode then you must be confusing me with someone who's emotionally attached to this haha.
I've read your post, but that doesn't at all eliminate the idea of claiming "correct" or "incorrect", because "strange", "odd", and "maybe" tend to translate just as easily.
Also, you made a point that it's up to him to decide what works and what doesn't.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 19, 2018, 08:26:57 PMMeasure 9 - 12, while this is obviously played by two separate hands, maybe you could cross staff both figures? Another solution is to make the downbeat of each note a staccato'd quarter note establishing the pulse and differentiating the syncopation. Play around with it and see what works and what doesn't.
But that idea was lost in your most recent post, by claiming absolute on your suggestions. I understand that phrases like "make the downbeat of each note a staccato'd quarter note establishing the pulse and differentiating the syncopation.", etc. aren't easy for someone foreign to understand, but it doesn't mean you should dumb it down to the easiest thing possible to understand, losing some important bits.
Again, if it sounded like "rant mode" or whatever it's not quite that, no. In the end all I offer is a rephrasing, which is in fact, a language thing. "Try this" would probably have worked just fine imo.
Yeah, well, that's great and all.
Ultimately, it comes down to what he does. Language or not. Sensitive or not. I needed to make a point and I did.
So my job is done. Feel free to take over if you know better.
About the messy sheets I was looking at your arrangements.
I understood that yours are advices that I refuse with much respect, but I thank you very much despite everything. I centered the page as you advised me finding sensible advice. I will wait to fix the "title" problem, and I hope someone can give me some advice about the beaming of the eighths.
Sebastian please help me
Yeeeeep, that's what I figured.
Someone else can take this one over. I'm over it.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 24, 2018, 10:37:59 AMYeeeeep, that's what I figured.
Someone else can take this one over. I'm over it.
What about margins?
Quote from: JacopoTore on August 24, 2018, 12:58:35 AMSebastian please help me
Fix this stuff:
(At the very least fix example number 3)
Spoiler
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 23, 2018, 06:56:48 PMLet's begin.
Fix page Margins: all sides, all pages 0.5625 inches. to 0.5 inches on all sides. Fix letters to fit in the page if you need to.
The entire page is not centered. Center it.
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/Vtzy671.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/EzTgXi4.jpg)
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/FTr5MUl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/jWW49hB.jpg)
This is incorrect.
(https://i.imgur.com/p4NDXSl.jpg)
This is correct.
(https://i.imgur.com/0sECcaY.jpg)
Fix the rest of the document to make it look correct. Then I will review it again with more instructions if need be.
Quote from: WaluigiTime64 on August 23, 2018, 08:38:15 PMHonestly, claiming that these methods of notation are "incorrect" is very odd. In these situations, neither is inherently "correct" nor "incorrect", so don't belittle the different notation methods used by calling them such.
Incorrect may be a bit of a strong word; however, I do agree with Brassman's changes. They are much easier to read and I feel Jacopo's is unnecessarily difficult to read.
Quote from: Sebastian on August 25, 2018, 07:42:30 AMFix this stuff:
(At the very least fix example number 3)
Spoiler
Incorrect may be a bit of a strong word; however, I do agree with Brassman's changes. They are much easier to read and I feel Jacopo's is unnecessarily difficult to read.
Ok is not necessary but neither is your change, I make no mistake to write the score as it is and you should respect my choices, I have focused on the clarity of rhythm, in your way of uniting the eighth the trend of a performer is to play notes linked to two, while in my case we understand what are the harmonic accents to interpret. The difficulty of reading is inversely proportional to the difficulty of interpretation, your score is more readable and is more difficult to interpret for the motivation I have just explained. It is also more disordered because the beams are large and bulky.
Concerning the D # it is obvious that the chord (according to the tone of Fa minor) is B major in prime orientation (third and sixth chord) being an agreement borrowed from the tone of F # Major, in fact it is not modulating but Passenger, the following agreement is the same (sixth grade) belonging to the initial key, however, the chord Eb F# B that chord is? Or better B Eb F# what is the chord? It seems a mistake of a novice student. When in a tone with only sharp it is read at the bottom a note flat is destabilizing, above all (as in this case) when the chord is not modulating. If you consider the rule that when the procedure is descending then it is convenient to use the flat notes then you have not understood anything about harmony.
Quotebut for easier performance you may want to consider arranging that into the left hand with the bass figure that it accompanies.
XD I'm almost crying with laughter, but where did you learn to play? in the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook? You really need to simplify this??
This is my arrangement so I make my personal choices, the mistakes are corrected, the choices are taken into consideration.
Ok non è necessario ma neanche la vostra modifica lo è, non commetto nessun errore a scrivere lo spartito così com'è e voi dovreste rispettare le mie scelte, io ho puntato sulla chiarezza del ritmo, nel vostro modo di unire gli ottavi la tendenza di un esecutore è quella di suonare le note legate a due, mentre nel mio caso si capisce quali siano gli accenti armonici da interpretare. La difficoltà di lettura è inversamente proporzionale alla difficoltà di interpretazione, il vostro spartito è più leggibile ed è più difficile da interpretare per la motivazione che ho appena spiegato. Inoltre è più disordinato perchè le travature sono ampie e ingombranti.
Riguardo il Re# è ovvio che l'accordo (secondo la tonalità di Fa# minore) è Si maggiore in primo rivolto (accordo di terza e sesta) essendo un accordo preso in prestito dalla tonalità di Fa# Maggiore, infatti non è modulante ma passeggero, l'accordo seguente è lo stesso (sesto grado) appartenente però alla tonalità iniziale, l'accordo Mib Fa# Si che accordo è? O meglio Si Mib Fa# che accordo è? Sembra un errore di uno studente alle prime armi. Quando in una tonalità con solo diesis si legge al basso una nota bemolle è destabilizzante, sopratutto (come in questo caso) quando l'accordo non è modulante. Se considerate la regola che quando il procedimento è discendente allora conviene usare le note bemolli allora non non avete capito niente di armonia. Questo è il mio arrangiamento quindi le scelte personali le faccio io, gli errori si correggono, le scelte si opinano.
Quote from: Sebastian on August 25, 2018, 07:42:30 AMFix this stuff:
(At the very least fix example number 3)
Spoiler
Incorrect may be a bit of a strong word; however, I do agree with Brassman's changes. They are much easier to read and I feel Jacopo's is unnecessarily difficult to read.
Tell me clearly if you forbid me to publish the score if I do not change the beaming thanks
(I did not understand the meaning of "at least")
You need to fix everything we said for you to fix if you want your sheet to be published on the site.
There are no exceptions.
Quote from: Brassman388 on August 29, 2018, 04:13:27 PMYou need to fix everything we said for you to fix if you want your sheet to be published on the site.
There are no exceptions.
Talk me about Eb
Your arrangement is in the key of A-major. There are no E-flats being used in your arrangement.
I'm talking about your suggestion about substitute D# with Eb, please read all the post about this arrangement before reply
Yeah, no.
The D# is fine.
The beaming, however, is not fine and will need to be changed. This submission will be deleted soon unless you update it.
Righty-o, moving this to the archive for now.